Older Now

by Eric Radoux

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The first shuddering chill
of bone ache and disconnect.
Eyes fade and miss the mark.
I strain and see myself
greyed, grizzled — growing
beautiful like dying leaves.

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released October 8, 2013

Check out the web series "Blogjob" by Erica Dreisbach at:

blogjobshow.com

songs and design by Eric Radoux except

recording of cicadas courtesy of sanus_excipio
freesound.org/people/sanus_excipio/sounds/54960/

recording of clock courtesy of felix.blume
freesound.org/people/felix.blume/sounds/170445/

recording of wind courtesy of Glaneur de sons
freesound.org/people/Glaneur%20de%20sons/sounds/104952/

Thanks to all who believe in art and humanity.

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Eric Radoux Los Angeles, California

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Track Name: Older Now
If I had a fingernail left
I would bite down hard
To taste the dirt that never leaves
From my computer keys
I've never lost an arm or leg
I have enough to eat
But every morning brings an ache
I wake without relief
A phantom limb I've never known
It's the fear beneath my feet
That melts the ice away

I fold my undershirts well
I make a perfect crease
But I still haven't buttoned down
The reasons I stay clean
I turn the TV on
Watch someone else's news
I live inside a made-up world
No one scratching for the truth
I only fight the falling leaves
And the boredom in my brain
That makes the devil sing

You'll find me
Waiting on Sunday afternoon
Gun in hand
To shoot the moon
Every moment wasted
Vacant in my history
Is written off
As one more life that I've lost
To something made of more than me
As if I were made of anything
That won't rot
Track Name: Seeds Make Sound
When the notes are gone
In a heart of song
Is it wrong to go away
If it means you find your way?

Golden years ago
Folding out from home
Faint memories are a fine bed
For sleep

Under leaves and ground
Where the seeds make sound
Quiet lives grow in the soil
Humble hands that till and toil

When the leaves come down
With the darkness 'round
And the songs go silent
Don't worry for me